Shut the F**k Up

How naive I was to have believed in friendship, when someone wasn't even honest about age. How idiotic it was of me to consider someone as a friend, when all that person needed was just someone to vent their frustration on and get some physical satisfaction. I guess, I should have shut the fuck up in the very beginning. 

It was very easy to say, I want to be with you but I need "variety" in life. How very convenient it was to compare something to food? I should have just shut the fuck up.

I did talk to someone for some time, as a friend. I never misguided, used or gave wrong indications, just considered the person as friend. In the end, it was very easy to say to me that "the person" loves me while "the person" was with someone else. If it really was the case, why did "the person" enter in a relationship with someone else? In the end, I was called names, abused and told to shut the fuck up.

Still I talked to someone, looking for a friend. Not wanting or feeling the real love. Never did I tell "the person" to even consider me as someone who can be romantically involved with. Just wanted to be there as a friend, nothing more. How very easy it was to tell me to shut the fuck up, when I asked about "the person's" real feelings? How very easy it was to call names to someone I love and try to hook me up with someone? How very easy it was to say that I love you and I will be with you till the end? I repeatedly told that I don't feel such things anymore, I felt such for only one person and that will not change in this lifetime. I knew all "love" will change into hatred in no time? How very easy it was to tell me to shut the fuck up and call me names in the end?
In the end all goodness was gone. How easily I became someone who just pretends to be a good person?

How very easy it was for someone I have loved and always will, to tell me to shut the fuck up? How easy it was to move on and look for better options? How easy it was to ...................?????

Thank you for telling me to shut the fuck up.

Finally, I have.

I have shut the fuck up.       :)

P.S.- I was wrong to have retaliated, to have felt jealousy and anger. Who the fuck I was to feel anything?

I guess, it was wrong on my part to have considered someone as mine. I should have just had the mindset- Kal koi aur tha, aaj tum ho, kal koi aur, aur parson koi aur hoga. That is how the world works. That is how you "enjoy" life and have "fun".
If I had such a mindset, it wouldn't have mattered at all. Here I was, the fucking idiot- who gave such importance to just an "online connection". Why the fuck did I dream of a life, a future?

I have changed myself to a great extent.


I can be anyone's but nobody can ever be mine.


If ever I try to dream again, I will read all this to remind myself of my worth.
Dude, emotional people like you don't deserve all this.

(So, if you are reading it now J**, just read it once again and reread, until it sinks in)


Why the love that I feel for someone doesn't go? Why? I am nobody's godfather or saviour to try and pray for that person's safety but why the fuck I still do it? That person must be involved with someone and must be in a happy space, who the fuck am I to bother but why do I still think of that person?

I don't want to be like this in my next life. I want to be a completely different person.

At least, I won't be going to every temple and praying to God to tell me why am I delicate, sissy, unable to look beyond my emotions and someone who just finds reasons to be unhappy.

Seriously dude!!! Just shut the fuck up.

A path leading nowhere
  (Boulevard of broken dreams)