Thoughts & Memories - I

 Sometime in 1993. A three year old child was lying on the bed, it was already 7:30 pm (way past his bedtime). He was unable to sleep, he needed his mom to come and tell him a story. He shouts for his mom-Mummaaaaa. His mother comes running. He says mumma kahani sunao, neend nahi aa rahi. His mother lies down beside him and tells him the story of Bantiti Chidaiya  (One of the only two stories she knew), he listens intently and loves that his mother is beside him. He closes his eyes, after some time he realises that the story has stopped. He looks at his mother and sees her sleeping, he is overjoyed and a bit amused ki mummy kahani sunate sunate khud hi so gayi. He also sleeps beside her. 

He wakes up, somebody was shouting. He looks up, his father is sitting at one corner of the bed and his grandparents are standing at the door. It takes him sometime to understand what is going on, he hears his grandfather shouting- nikal jao. He is too small to understand what all he was saying but he did make out "nikal jao". He looks around for his brother  to ask him what is going on, it was his interpretation as to what is happening he needed at that time. His brother was nowhere to be found. His grandparents look scary, he gets scared and starts crying. 

This is the very first memory that I have of my childhood. A memory where my parents have been told to leave the house just because the chapatis were not made at the appropriate time because a mother too tired after all the day's work had just fallen asleep by mistake. The memory where I was the reason, which made my parents to leave.  

1994 - A five year old is running behind his brother, his brother was the one who used to plan all their daily activities and he just used to follow him. Their cousins had come. They had to decide which game to play tonight, when their cousins come back from their aunt's place. Just then they hear the sound of a car coming in the front yard, they run to the drawing room. Their cousins were eating Ice-creams and opening the new blinking shoes that they got. The five year old just looks upon. He slowly comes out and runs to his mother, he hugs her and starts crying- Mummy mere liye bhi kharidna mummy. His mother tries to console him, how can she say that his parents don't have money for such luxuries. His father is just a doctor, not IAS/IPS like all his aunts and uncles. She says- Haan beta le lenge. Just then his aunt also arrives, she starts showing the new shoes to his mother. His mother replies accha hai and then runs behind the five year old, who had run to the adjoining room. He starts wailing even loudly- mummy humko bhi  chaiye. Kharidogi na mere liye bhi? His brother is beside him, telling him- ro mat, kharida jayega. 

There are other similar ones too and even more dramatic ones, many actually (I can't write here, I have tried this blog to make it something, which I can only read, not able to do so). People from other homes saw and got love from their families, while I remember these. Why? Is it because I am negative and have the ability to just soak in the negative, ignoring the positive aspects or is because these and many more were the things that used to happen on a daily basis? Why can't I think of people who don't even have the basic amenities of life? I know I am very fortunate to have got whatever I have but why do I still think like this? 

Why am I the one spreading "Unhappy negative things" or am I the one who is negative?

P.S.- I will jot down such instances as and when I get time. I know, if someone reads it, he/she will laugh their hearts out at me. Will make fun of such things. I really want to make this as something which I can only fill in and read, ever. I am tired of being ridiculed.