Whys: The Unanswered questions

 Cut to July, 2015

Dear Blog,

It's been quite some time that, I have been going on and on about my experiences in college. It all has given me a sense of relief. I don't have/ever had anyone, whom I can talk about my emotions and feelings (except maybe one person, who is lost now), you have been the only one, listening to my rants (rather bearing my immature writeups), thank you for being there.

A lot is going on in my mind these days. So, just want you to listen to me. Please.

Why is it wrong to think that you can't live without someone and you might consider it the end of your life, if it ends? Does it show immaturity/weakness or the purity of love?Is it wrong to be THIS DELICATE?

Why is it wrong to get angry on the people I am close to?That's me, I never speak to anyone else. I open up to the people close to me.

Why is it sissy to get angry?Why am I like this? Am I really sissy?????

Why is it that someone I was extremely close to, thought that I am unable to look beyond my emotions? Am I really that self centered?

Why is it wrong to want a name for a relation? Is it really something that shows I am emotionally weak?

Why is it that I got jealous of some people in my life? Does it show insecurity or is it a part n parcel of an emotion called love?

Am I someone who is very negative and is unable to be happy? Why is it that someone whom I considered everything, thought that I blame circumstances for my unhappiness? Was it wrong to open up and bare myself completely?

Why does my family has to step up everytime, to save me from the "big bad world" that is out there? Am I not supposed to fall and learn on my own?

Why did I get attached to someone like this (without even meeting) why? I had made so many rules for myself, that I am not gonna fall in love, until I make a career and I broke all that n fell in love.Why?

Why do I still pine and care for that one person, when I know that, there is nothing left.Why?

Why do I still pray to god to keep that person safe and happy, even after a year, since we have even talked. Why?

Why is it that I don't feel like talking to anyone? Why do I find solace in work and studies only?

Why have I made a wall around myself? Why have I lost all faith over love, a love for life. Why?

Why don't I see any faults in the other person and keep on blaming myself? Why am I unable to see the fault in that person? Why?

Why am I like this? WHY?

Hmmmm. I have been searching for these answers for the past one year. I have asked everyone I am close to, whether I am someone negative or someone who finds reasons to be unhappy. The answer which I got everytime is that, all of it is wrong, the person who said that to you, never understood you. But how can I not believe that person, I valued that person's words more than anyone else's in my life. How can I? 

I have been running everywhere, asking everyone, whether is it true that I don't look beyond my emotions. Why do I consider that person's judgement about me to be the final verdict? Why?

Why is it that, even being in a place which I had never even dreamed of, in my life, with so much to learn and so much to do, hasn't removed that person from my thoughts. Why do I sometimes (rather everyday) think of that person and pray for that person's well-being.

WHY?

I know I will never get answers to such questions. These will be the WHYs of my life-the unanswered questions.

Will open up to you more someday, for now this is enough. Gotta go. On call today.

Thanks for being there.
 :)