I Give Up

November, 2015.

I really can't be like this. I can't be the joker anymore.

I can't take it anymore. I miss my old self.

I know it is very easy to move on from me. It's very easy to forget me and get detached. I really can't do the same. I don't care whether I am laughed at or made fun of by the very same person, who at once was everything for me but I really can't pretend.

I do care for that person still. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I like this?

Why am I this emotional, still?

I have tried to change myself time and again. But somehow it doesn't seem possible.

Why do I continuously rewind in my mind the fact that, someone so important to me considered me to be sissy, unable to look beyond my emotions and someone who finds reasons to be unhappy and blames others for my unhappiness.

I now know that I have no right to be jealous, to ask for a name for a relation and to even expect someone to be clear about some things in life. I have finally accepted the fact that there would have been many before me, there will be many after me and heck there might be many while someone is with me too.

I give up. I give up all my dreams, a hope for love..forever.

Ab nahi hoga mujhse...Goodbye to my hopes and dreams.

I give up.

(Sorry for the disjointed thoughts. Pardon me and thanks again.)

P.S.- You can laugh all you want, laugh your hearts out at me. At least I gave you something to laugh about. :)