Mistakes of My Life

I need to talk to someone and this seems like a better way to pour my heart out.

I need to keep it short and simple too because of this severe headache since few days (such an usual thing now, bound to be if one is up for whole night 10 days a month without any offs).

And here starts my cribbing.

Firstly, I am wrong to be this Satyavadi Harishchadra. It is not the way to be in today's world. I should just lie boldly and not be so sincere. People use that to their advantage. I have been trying since long and still it is not happening with me. I will keep on trying. I need to have a thick skin, ability to lie on the face and not give a fuck about anything.

Secondly, I have come a long way from the naive guy. At least, I now understand love. It is all crap. Of course, you love me- but until you find someone better, that's the motto that I should have had in life. I have ruined my life because of love and I will not do that anymore. I was such a jackass to have loved so deeply. People don't deserve it. People tell me what they have lost because of loving me but nobody even bothers what I lost in the process. I should not have been like that. A part of me might still have a soft corner for certain people but now, when I look back, I don't think I lost too much. I will get such thing from 2-3 people in my life but what I had for them was/is/will be quite rare to find. 

Thirdly and most importantly, just because am supposed to be a "doctor", it doesn't mean that am not a human being. Not letting one sleep at all for ten days in a month, without any offs is outright nonsense. It plays with my biological clock. It affects my health adversely. 

I can't take it anymore. I have had enough.

I know, when people will read this, they will shout at me, say how weak/delicate I am. How oblivious I am to everything good around me.  I will just say, just because I let you in my deepest thoughts, it doesn't entitle you to judge me.

To those people: FUCK OFF YOU MOTHERFUCKING BASTARDS...