First Things First (Part II)

January 30,2009....the day I was back to Mysore, after spending two relaxing weeks in home. I had actually made a list of stuff ,which I did every single day in home, so as to make everyday count...and to live every single moment to the fullest. I had enjoyed to my heart's content and  had taken proper rest to insure that I am prepared for the next few grueling months. 

It was with a heavy heart that I entered my room, was tired after 2 days journey..and was missing home immensely. Somehow  few days passed. I got engrossed in the daily routine and was also busy shifting to a place more closer to my college , so that I didn't have to walk much everyday. This took a few weeks and I had no time to think of anything else. Then somewhere in February, I saw my fellow batchmates had made their own groups and had their set of friends and support group. There was nothing or nobody for me , whom I could count on or was eager to meet. Then the reality stuck...I was alone...completely alone..

It somehow triggered a defensive mechanism in me..and that was to make friends. I started mingling and talking to people, I suddenly was someone who took active participation in class and was quite a chirpy and cheerful person. It took a lot of effort from my side but I managed to sustain the new image. I had few friends and I used to draw Histology diagrams for them, give them my practical records to copy and such. I was just helping people out and was getting rid of the loneliness in return. In addition, it was the time for the second internals and I had no time or energy left for anything else. I tried to do my best and gave it my all.

Histology- A slide showing cross section of Thymus

As they say time flies...March came..two people were to be selected for a State Level Quiz in Physiology..A MCQ test was kept for the people interested to represent our college for the same, and two of the best performing people were to be selected. I had no interest in quizzes and was terrified of the thought that , what if I get selected. I had this stage fear in me since childhood and it was prompting me to opt out of the selection process. Still, on the morning of the quiz, I don't know what came over me and I just attempted the test. To my horror, I was selected...This prompted even more negativity towards me. I was this unimportant nobody, who was suddenly experiencing this meteoric rise in popularity. I just neglected all the negativity and continued with my studies, another internals were around the corner and plus there was the dreadful FINAL EXAMS...

Then came April...the month of the quiz. The quiz was to be held in Bangalore and I was literally terrified as to what will happen then. The day of quiz arrived and I with my fellow batchmate reached Bangalore. As it turns out ,she was even more horrified of the whole process and I had to be this Calm and composed person( Someone has to keep cool)... There were quite a few rounds..which involved Audio-Visuals, Dumb-charades and such. It was all such a out of world experience for me. But to my relief, we reached the semifinals. I was extremely happy and elated and relieved that I was not shown the door in the first round itself ;) Anyways...the day came to an end and had to be back to namma mysooru..

An advertisement for THE quiz ;)

Was back to the same grind...plus the pressure of the last and final internals was killing in itself. Again it was the time to immerse in studies and I did just that. Days passed...Final internals came and went...the FINAL EXAMS were fast approaching. Everybody was frantic and had just one goal to pass somehow. It is generally the case that , if someone fails in the final exams of MBBS Phase I , they are supposed to give it again after 6 months, and they will be made into a separate batch and thus will loose 6 months. Nobody wanted that fate and were giving their heart and soul to the preparation.  The internal averages for each subjects were declared and it was to be added in the final score. I was delighted and satisfied with my performance. But the final exam is the main deal...it can literally make or break one's life in a medical college. This thought was in the back of my mind and it was making me panicky by the day.

The pressure was immense and I was unable to cope with the same. I had to call my mom from home, to take care of other things like laundry, food and stuff while I concentrated fully on the preparation. The week of the exams arrived. We had five theory papers( 2 Anatomy, 2 Physiology and one for Biochemistry) from Monday to Friday. It was one of the most tiring weeks of my life but I somehow managed to stay alive by the end of it. Many of my batchmates had fever, vomitting, nausea due to the pressure of the exams and tiring nature of it. I was relieved that it somehow got over. I had no time to mull over the mistakes which I did, the practicals were, in just a matter of days.

I sleepwalked through the practicals and vivas. Even though I remember clearly everything I got, Trachea and Hyaline Cartilage in Histology for identification( I did a mistake and identified trachea as something else) , stomach and Dura for discussion and innumerable spotters. Spirometry , AEC, Parkinson's disease and Respiratory system examination in Physiology and Starch and Bile salts for identification in Biochemistry. Along with all these there was the theory viva. God!!!!!!! I had no clue in which of the carpal bones the primary centre appears first :-@ ( I got to know that later in Forensic Medicine).

But as they say...time doesn't stop for anyone or anything, this one also passed ;)

The sense of relief which I had after the examinations ,was nothing that I had experienced until now. I was just happy to run away...far from all the books and...to my home.. but there was this constant fear of results..anything can happen..

I left for home...with the fear for the results being insurmountable...