And...

I finally got three days break after some amount of drama.
I wanted to be away, to try to live for some time. No tension, no worries.
The coming days are not going to easy. I needed a breather.
I couldn't go home in such short notice. I hate the whole process of travelling a whole day to reach home. Somehow I don't think I belong there.

The major thing which made me run away was his birthday. I knew if I was there, my mind will play games and I might end up messaging. This would not have been good.
When I am long forgotten, I will need to forget too.
I wanted to keep myself busy on that day to run away from such thoughts. I knew if I do it once, I will get the strength to get away.

But...
Bahut accha lagta hai na jab koi bina effort ke itna attention deta hai to.

This propelled my mind to think. To think of the past. To think what I have done. Where I have gone wrong.

And...I went back.

I just hoped that I didn't but I did.

I hate myself for being an overthinker. I wish I could just curse, give MC, BC gaalis and forget but it isn't me.

I lost again.

After the conversation, the only option seems to be to go away.

Away from all of this.

It has been difficult for me to deal with everything.

I know nobody will see from my perspective or understand me, I just wished they let me be.

I know am not doing any wrong.

Why??? Why do I listen? Why do I care?