Hmmmm...
I want it to be the very last time. The very last time that person is mentioned here.
Someone just told me a few days back by just a cursory glance over my blog, that it seems like am really angry on someone. Really does it appear so??
I really don't think am angry. I was deeply hurt and still am, surely not angry.
I don't think I can be angry on the person I loved truly, ever. I might be pissed at times but will never have that vengeful anger.
I take rights on the people am really close to. I considered him completely mine. As close as my immediate family, in a very different and romantic manner, though. So, I really don't think, I can ever think bad of him.
Nobody will understand my mindset and it is okay.
I am not someone who usually hides things from my parents. I do try to keep certain things just to me but at certain points I do open up.
This thing of mine has landed me in a complete mess, I had to choose between the people I love.
Nobody will know how much it breaks you from inside to loose someone you love because you are asked to, by someone whom you love the most.
It takes away a large part of you with it.
It hurts even more when someone thinks of you as emotionally unstable or someone who is unable to look beyond his emotions.
Nobody will ever know what I go through every day. I have suicidal thoughts and being treated for depression, that will all be a meager thing.
How much ever I try, I don't think that person will be erased from my mind (not until someone takes that place), I go to temples and feel like praying for that person and I do so, too. Whenever I sit idle, or even while working, I just hope for that person to be happy.
I know, once things are gone, it's gone. One has to move on.
But do you forget your first love?
My mom sees me like this and she feels what she has done at certain times, she wants to talk to that person and see things can work or not. I know, it has all ended. Whatever I do, nothing is going to happen now.
One can try a few times. I did too. I tried how much ever I could have.
I think everybody has their breaking points. I reached mine, a while ago.
I have lost the hope. The hope for a better life and love.
But life goes on...
I want it to be the very last time. The very last time that person is mentioned here.
Someone just told me a few days back by just a cursory glance over my blog, that it seems like am really angry on someone. Really does it appear so??
I really don't think am angry. I was deeply hurt and still am, surely not angry.
I don't think I can be angry on the person I loved truly, ever. I might be pissed at times but will never have that vengeful anger.
I take rights on the people am really close to. I considered him completely mine. As close as my immediate family, in a very different and romantic manner, though. So, I really don't think, I can ever think bad of him.
Nobody will understand my mindset and it is okay.
I am not someone who usually hides things from my parents. I do try to keep certain things just to me but at certain points I do open up.
This thing of mine has landed me in a complete mess, I had to choose between the people I love.
Nobody will know how much it breaks you from inside to loose someone you love because you are asked to, by someone whom you love the most.
It takes away a large part of you with it.
It hurts even more when someone thinks of you as emotionally unstable or someone who is unable to look beyond his emotions.
Nobody will ever know what I go through every day. I have suicidal thoughts and being treated for depression, that will all be a meager thing.
How much ever I try, I don't think that person will be erased from my mind (not until someone takes that place), I go to temples and feel like praying for that person and I do so, too. Whenever I sit idle, or even while working, I just hope for that person to be happy.
I know, once things are gone, it's gone. One has to move on.
But do you forget your first love?
My mom sees me like this and she feels what she has done at certain times, she wants to talk to that person and see things can work or not. I know, it has all ended. Whatever I do, nothing is going to happen now.
One can try a few times. I did too. I tried how much ever I could have.
I think everybody has their breaking points. I reached mine, a while ago.
I have lost the hope. The hope for a better life and love.
But life goes on...
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| And the snowstorm came... |
