Europe : A break

Netherland

A brog in Holland

The Marketplace

A perfect setting for a bollywood song, isn't it ?   ;)

....Eurail....

A brog again :p

Venice :)

A Holland Clog, made by me :)

Wanna go back to this time.

Venezia

Penultimate: Third time unlucky(Part I)

Home sweet home. It was just awesome to be back home, for however short duration it was. I had bunked a few days of my MBBS Phase III Part I and had gone home to unwind. I just had about 4 days before I had to leave. I just "utilised" this time by watching all the american sitcoms that I can get my hands on to. ;)  Had heard quite a lot about a few series from my fellow batchmates but never had the time to watch any of that, so this was my time to live, rather watch :p

The fear of results was always there, but I was pretty confident that I had done to the best of my abilities and was sure of getting good grades this time around.

The results were announced a day before I had to leave for Mysore. I didn't expect it to come so soon but anyways, it was kinda okay. I had done well in all the subjects and was in the top 3 of all the subjects, except pharmacology (as expected). I was the batch topper in forensic and that was a relieving factor for me. I thought at least people won't come and taunt me now, saying you know nothing, you just got lucky and all that. ;) 

The day arrived. I left for Mysore, I was a bit sad about leaving home, I had no idea when I would be coming back. Thankfully, I reached Mysore safely this time, without any hassles.

I started the third professional sometime in February,2011. In the Part III Phase I, we are taught subjects like ENT, Ophthalmology, Community Medicine etc. We were also posted in departments like Anesthesia, Skin, Pediatrics during this term. I was looking forward to this whole new aspect of finally entering the clinical side of Medicine after slogging for 2 1/2 years. I had thought that, this year will be the year, where I will get to know about the speciality of my choice. (But that was not to be, more on that later)

I started the classes with a new zeal. Got engrossed with studies all over again. In addition, this was the time for me strengthen my CV. I tried to get my research topic for ICMR published, but wasn't able to do so. The only option left, was to look for a position in editorial boards of various journals. I applied to a few journals, had to write quite a few essays, mail a lot of people, give interviews through skype but everywhere it was a closed door. I was a bit disheartened but that's how it is, the defining factors were my communication and networking skills and the college I was doing my UG in. Since, I couldn't do anything about the third factor, I had to work upon presenting myself, to learn effective communication and networking skills. I started working on that.

Somewhere in Chamundeshwari temple :)

While all this was going on, I started my clinical postings in Pediatrics. I had always loved kids and had a notion that pediatrics is something which is suitable for me. I enjoyed the postings, even though we had a lot to learn, the milestones, all the normal ranges for detecting malnourishment etc. It was something that I thought I can do for the rest of my life.

But all that changed.

It was around noon, sometime in April, 2011. I was in the Pediatric OPD, seeing the cases that came and mainly just learning from teachers and seniors. All my classmates had bunked that day, and I was the only one form my batch there. I still have that vision in my mind clearly, an aged man had come running to the OPD, he was looking distressed and was on the verge of crying, he was followed by about 3-4 people. I noticed that he was holding a newborn child in his hands, the child was GREEN. At first, I thought that, I am mistaken, I must have mistaken the cloth for the child, then I tried to listen to what that man was saying. He was worried, the child was not moving or responding since morning. The Professor examined the child, he just saw the child and said that nothing can be done. The child is no more.

The man was unable to digest this fact and kept running from one doctor to another in hope of a miracle. He had come to me and just kept his child in my hands. I can still feel that moment, it is one of those things that I am pretty sure I will never forget in my life. The motionless child, his stiff body, the completely green scaly skin. I was unable to understand what was happening. I was afraid, concerned ,sad, puzzled all at once. But before I could do anything, someone had taken the baby away from me. I just cannot describe that feeling, the sense of holding a dead child in your hands. The cries and wails of the mother and family. It's all fresh in my mind, still.

I had gone and searched for the condition of the child. He had Icthyosis, a rare skin condition, which results in formation of scales over the body. It was something that disturbed me for months. I can't bear the thought of letting a child die, seeing that child dead, it had changed something in me.

I was getting doubts as to whether I was right for this profession, again. One needs to have a strong heart, if one chooses to be a doctor, one can't get disturbed by the emotions. But this seemed impossible for me. I am not one of those people who can just forget someone dying in front of their eyes. I don't, I can't. It all makes a difference to me.

And thus started the dilemma. Am I fit for this profession? or am I a misfit?

(Chalo. I won't bore with the emotional stuff) 

As all this was going on, I got a mail from a university in Netherlands that I had been selected to present a paper in their international conference. It was totally unexpected for me. I had filled up the application, just for the sake of it, had not even thought once that I will be selected.

And here I was selected. The thing was to get permission from my college, to present my paper. After a lot of effort and scoldings and taunts (don't worry, I won't go into the details of all that), I got 5 days leave sanctioned from the principal. I had to leave on 3rd June and there was an important examination of medicine the day after. I had no option other than bunking the test.

I left for Paris on 3rd June, 2011.