After the exams, I was in desperate need of some change of
place and as we had 3-4 days holidays between the next term , I thought of
going to my uncle's place in Bangalore for refreshing my mind. It was next to
impossible to even think of going home in the short duration and I was in no
mood to bunk classes so as to be able to spend some time in home. I had thought
of taking a short break after the end of my fourth term examinations , so as to
be able to attend a cousin's wedding back home.
Quite a few of my batchmates had left for home. Many south
Indians ,who were just a few hours from their hometown had left and few others
had gone to places like Coorg, Goa and such. I was mostly close to buddies from
south and had very few friends/acquaintances from the north( no reason, just
that I guess my sensibilities matched more with them). I was secretly hoping
that somebody will ask me to join for a trip somewhere but deep down I knew
that , it won't be the case. My image was of someone, who was seen only with
books and was not interested in anything other than that. While that wasn't
exactly the case, I had no energy or inclination to change anyone's opinion of
myself , because once people form an image of you in their mind, it is very
difficult to prove to the contrary.
Hence , I packed my bags and left for Bangalore. Had an
awesome time there, away from all books, classes, schedules and stuff.
Frequented quite a lot of malls(especially the Forum mall...hey ,it was a big
thing for me in those days ) and even the ISKCON temple there. I was recharged
to face the next few months.
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| ISKCON Bangalore |
Was back to Mysore , to face the challenges ahead. In 4
term, we are generally posted in the departments like Respiratory Medicine,
Casualty, Community Medicine, Forensic, Psychiatry , Anaesthesia and Radiology.
I was looking forward to it as till now ,we were exposed to only the Core
Clinical branches, and I was excited to explore and get acquainted with what
was until now the unexplored territory for me. Along with all this we had moved
on from General Pathology, Micro and Pharmacology and were now to read more
about Systemic Pathology, Bacteriology
and drugs for various systems.
I had again gotten used to the daily routine and was just
happy in my space when one day one of my colleagues just called to congratulate
me ,that I had been selected for the said studentship by ICMR. I was elated, I
had never expected it..I just wanted to apply for the same and didn't want to
loose the opportunity. And here it was...I
was selected...I met my guide...started brainstorming as to how to proceed
about the project. Got involved and searched on the internet about the various
aspects for conducting a research. It was something which I will be thankful
for all my life, as it gave me an insight about the research methodologies and
ways to perform a study. I am sure that it will prove beneficial for me later
in life.
Time flew...I got acquainted with the new departments, It
was not exactly difficult but altogether a new experience. The most memorable
ones for me were Casualty, Community Medicine and Forensic. Each provoked some
sentiments in me and made me realise how difficult it is to be a Doctor.
First, let's come to Casualty....It was the first time that
I entered ICUs and was made to face the harsh realities of life. Seeing people
in critical states with their relatives anxious about their well-being is
something that I can never forget. I witnessed someone dying for the first time
in front of my eyes and the Postgraduates and seniors performing CPR. It was
something that completely shook me. My first time, that I have seen someone losing
their loved ones and the sense of loss it brings with it. I for the first time
thought, maybe I am not fit for this profession...while my other batchmates
were not too shaken by all of it..I was really disturbed. Even though I never
showed it , I had gone to temple that day and cried my heart out and prayed for his
soul. The prospect of seeing people dying in front of you, is something that
doctors have to be okay with...this, I learnt ,as I advanced in my course and
was able to see it as a part and parcel of the profession by the end of my
Internship. But more on that later....
Secondly, Community Medicine....The science dealing with the
application of our knowledge and acumen for the benefit of the community. It
was again a first for me ,where we were taken in a group of about 15 to various
villages and were given a survey to complete regarding the Sanitary conditions
and Dietary Habits of the villagers. We were supposed to go door to door and
enquire about the Dietary Habits of people and were to advice them regarding
the same. Then in the end , our findings were to be presented to our
Professors. It was a new experience for me and was thoroughly enjoying every
bit of it....the only problem was, me not being fluent in the local language. I
made a pact with myself to work harder on that front and to be at least able to
understand and speak as much Kannada, as required to do my job efficiently(After
all , I owe this much to the state which has given me an opportunity to become
somebody in life).... It was an enriching experience and one which I will not
forget throughout my life. I, for the first time got to know of the impact that
a Doctor can have on the community , if he/she works for the betterment of it.
Lastly, there was Forensic Medicine...Even though it is not
something which is difficult or tough to understand, it is something which
again makes one come face to face with the horrific stuffs that keep happening
in our world. We were told about various cases which had come to light and were
told about the various autopsy findings which one gets in various scenarios. We
were supposed to witness autopsies and were called to the Mortuary whenever
there was a case for the students to witness and learn from. It is again something
which has made me think repeatedly about ethics in medicine and whether it was
a wise decision for a sensitive person like me to enter the world of medicine,
where one confronts death on a daily basis....It was somewhere in May,2010 when
I witnessed an autopsy for the first time...It was death due to RTA , which
happened just a few meters from our
college. I was kinda terrified as to what to expect , but the way which it is
done( I don't want to go into the details and gross you out)...I will never
want my body to be treated in the same way , if I ever die of ill fate. It has
been, by far the most horrifying experience of my life and it was the first to
bring tears rolling down my face ,at the instant , even though I was just
standing and witnessing it. I still remember the time of dusk when I was
returning back from the Mortuary to my room..the scenes of what I had witnessed
in front of me just kept on flashing in front of my eyes...I had gone to take a
shower and completely broken down and wept there...I don't know whether this
makes me weak or what...but I for one never thought ,that I will ever see such
a sight in my life....There is a saying, one gets used to something if it
becomes a daily routine....I guess, it never happened with me in this
case...even though I have seen quite a few autopsies being performed, the
thought of seeing something like that still sends shivers down my spine and
makes me wonder..is it ethically correct to treat somebody's body like that,
for whatever scientific reason it might be...is it??? I for myself...don't have
an answer for that...
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| Something that is kept as spotters in examinations...n we are supposed to identify ;) |
I had no time to ponder on the ethical aspects ,as I had to
work upon my project and also there were internals which had to be aced. I had
done reasonably well in all the subjects in the last internal, except for
pharmacology, where I had just managed to pass. My main aim this time was to do
well in Pharmacology, so as it doesn't hamper my average grades in the final
exams...I , as ususal , ;) immersed
myself completely in studies and gave the exams...I did the best of my
abilities and was looking forward to go home for a short break...
On 16 June,2010...I left for home....having no clue that the
journey back is going to be a difficult one...n with harder times ahead........
